


Pronouns

by Spotted_Newt



Series: Words [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Nonbinary Ahsoka Tano, Nonbinary Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26839693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spotted_Newt/pseuds/Spotted_Newt
Summary: Ahsoka's journey to discovering their gender identity.Written for my friends Blaire and Reese, because you deserve representation in fanfics. <3
Series: Words [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1986325
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	Pronouns

As Ahsoka held the maroon tube top in her palms, she wondered what had changed. 

She had been so excited when she was told that, as a padawan, she could wear whatever she wanted. She didn’t have to wear the traditional Jedi tunics that all the younglings wore, with their giant sleeves and baggy pants. She could pick anything she wanted, anything at all, and that would be her uniform. The only tricky part was that she would have to go shopping for clothes instead of having them sewn at the Temple, and for that she would need a chaperone. 

Aayla Secura, one of the few Jedi who wore something unique, volunteered to take her. The fourteen year-old had jumped at the opportunity, and when she had looked around the store and felt overwhelmed by the amount of options, she had drawn inspiration from the older Jedi. She didn’t want to seem like she was copying her though, so instead of a crop top she chose a tube top. She chose a skirt to match and leggings to go underneath, and as she walked out of the store she marveled at how different she felt. She felt unique, like she wasn’t just one of a hundred other younglings. She was Ahsoka, a soon to be Padawan Learner. It was certainly chillier with fewer layers, and the breeze on her skin was an entirely new sensation, but she found she liked it. She could throw on a cloak if she got too cold. 

Ahsoka proudly wore her new outfit when she went to meet her Master. It was a little alarming to be able to feel the breeze of blaster bolts that flew by, but in a way it was also exhilarating. A thousand bolts brushed by, but not one grazed her skin. It made her feel powerful. 

The feeling disappeared though the second she found herself on Tatooine. Breezes that had been gentle on Coruscant carried grains of sand on Tatooine, and without a layer of clothing the sand rubbed at her skin, leaving it irritated and raw. 

Ok, maybe a tube top wasn’t the most practical thing in the world. 

She didn’t know what else to get though, so she started paying attention to the local fashion whenever she was on a mission on a new planet. 

It was then that she noticed something that had never really been a big deal at the Temple where everyone wore the same standard robes: males and females dressed differently. Not everywhere, but in a lot of cultures there seemed to be societal norms about what should be worn by whom. 

Ahsoka found this upsetting in a way she couldn’t describe. But something about the fact that someone would be able to peg her as a female simply because of her clothes bothered her. 

It was Rex who went shopping with her when she expressed that she wanted to find something more practical for battle. He had chuckled and suggested clone armor, to which she had said “heck no” and they had both laughed, and then they set out into the city to find a clothing shop. 

Ahsoka walked between the racks of clothes, brushing her fingers over the fabrics. She wasn’t sure what she wanted. She picked a few things in colors that seemed nice, and then went to the dressing room to change. 

“What do you think?” She asked, coming out of her dressing room to show off one of the outfits.

“Looks great,” Rex said. He, dressed in his formal greys, was leaning patiently against the wall. He looked like any other person waiting for a friend, but they both knew he was keeping an eye out for trouble. 

Ahsoka sighed. “You’ve said that about every outfit.”

“Sorry, Commander. I’m not much of a fashion expert. I wear my blacks, I wear my greys, and I wear my armor.”

Ahsoka hummed. She stepped back into the dressing room, leaving the door open, and picked up the tube top that she had placed on the chair that was in the room. 

Not long ago it had represented her individuality. But now, it left a bitter taste in her mouth. She had looked at it then and seen something unique. She looked at it now and saw something that clearly marked her as a female. Which she wasn’t totally sure she minded, but she also wasn’t sure that she  _ didn’t _ mind. 

She sighed again, frustration curling around her in the Force. 

“Something wrong?” Rex asked. His brow furrowed in mild concern.

“I don’t know. It’s just… I don’t know.” She tossed the tube top back on the chair and looked at herself in the mirror, placing her hands on her hips. “It doesn’t feel right. I don’t know why, exactly. It just… I obviously look like a female. And I  _ am _ a female, so I guess that shouldn’t bother me, but it does.”

“Maybe you’d like to try something from the men’s section?” Rex suggested. 

Ahsoka looked at him in surprise. “I can do that?”

He shrugged. “Why not? There’s no rule against it.”

“Hmm.” Ahsoka looked back at the mirror for a moment, and then nodded and went to find some more clothes to try on.

A few of the things she didn’t bother showing to Rex. She just straight up didn’t like them. But then she tried on a t-shirt and a racer jacket, and she stepped out of the dressing room. 

“How do I look?”

“Like you’re about to kick some ass.”

Ahsoka laughed, and did a little spin. “I think I like this. Although,” -she looked down at the pants- “I think I like leggings better than these.”

She ended up buying a couple of different things, some from the women’s section and some from the men’s section. Not a lot of things, but enough pieces that she could mix and match. 

And mix and match she did. Some days she wore leggings and a maroon sleeveless tunic, other days she wore a looser fitting top and cargo pants, and on still other days she wore some kind of combination of ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ clothes. 

It was great, being able to dress according to how she felt each morning. But as time went on, she realized that she still felt some kind of vague irritation, like an itch just beneath the skin. 

At some point the 501st found themselves with some shore leave on Naboo for a couple of days. Ahsoka was  _ highly _ suspicious of the fact that they would be on Naboo at the exact same time that Senator Amidala was taking some vacation time, but she simply smirked at Anakin and made some snarky comment about subtlety and went out to enjoy the beautiful planet. 

Some of the local teens adopted her immediately, and she found herself with a group of three friends. A human girl, a Twi’lek boy, and another human. She couldn’t tell if that person was a boy or a girl, even their name was gender-neutral, and she found herself uncertain as to whether she should refer to them as a ‘he’ or a ‘she.’

Eventually she just had to ask. 

“Sorry, Blaire?” 

Blaire looked up from a book. “Yeah?”

“Um,” Ahsoka clasped her hands together nervously. “How should I call you?”

“...Blaire?”

“No I mean, are… Well, are you a boy or a girl?” She winced at the question, but she didn’t know how else to phrase it, and she really really hoped she hadn’t just offended her new friend. 

Luckily, Blaire didn’t seem bothered. “A boy,” he said.

“Sorry,” Ahsoka said. 

“Nah, you’re good.” Blaire sat up, setting his book aside. “I’m new to it myself.”

“New to what?”

“Being a boy.”

Ahsoka wasn’t sure what he meant by that, and he must have noticed her confusion. 

“I’m transgender. I was assigned female at birth, but that never felt right. I think I’ve always known I’m a boy. But I didn’t tell anyone until recently, and I’m kinda nervous about what people will think. The squad seems ok with it though, and I’ve been doing more stuff to try to look like a boy. If you were confused, I guess that at least means I don’t look quite like a girl anymore, so that’s a win.”

Blaire happily answered the additional questions Ahsoka had, and the Padawan left Naboo still thinking about that conversation. She thought about her own experiences, looked back on her childhood and pre-teen years. There wasn’t much to go by there, since she had been raised in a pretty gender-neutral environment where there wasn’t such a big distinction between male and female. All the younglings were treated the same. But this last year and a half as a Padawn she had felt increasingly uncomfortable in a way that she now attributed to feeling disconnected from her, as Blaire had put it, assigned gender. 

Did that make her transgender? Did she feel like  _ she _ was actually  _ he _ ?

Not quite, she didn’t think. There were certainly days when she dressed as masculine as possible and felt great, and there were other days when she wore things that made her feel pretty and feminine. And some days that she felt caught in-between and didn’t know what to do.

It was incredibly frustrating. 

One of those in-between days found her in a foul mood, sitting in the mess hall and glaring at a cup of tea. Tea drinking was a habit she had picked up from Obi-Wan, and since the 501st and 212th were working together at the moment she had been able to go to the mess on the  _ Negotiator _ and get something a little more drinkable than the stuff they kept around on the  _ Resolute _ . 

“Someone’s having a bad morning.”

Ahsoka looked up to find Obi-Wan heading over with his own mug of tea in hand. She sighed. “Hey, Master.”

“May I?” He gestured to the empty seat across from her, and she nodded. 

He sat down and wrapped his hands around his mug. “Is everything alright?”

“I don’t know! Everything’s confusing, and it’s dumb and it’s frustrating and I’m tired of it.”

He raised an eyebrow at her outburst, but didn’t comment. He could feel the Force swirling with frustration and confusion and doubt. “Perhaps you could give me some of the specifics of what you are finding to be so frustrating, and maybe I can offer some words of advice.”

She sighed again, tracing the rim of her mug with her finger. She didn’t answer for a while, and Obi-Wan didn’t push. Finally, she broke the silence. “I’m not sure what I am.”

“In what way?”

“I’ve been feeling… discontent. For a while. Like an itch you can’t scratch. I…” she paused, looking at him with uncertainty and a little bit of what might have been fear. 

Obi-Wan reached out and placed a hand over the one she had rested on the table. “Ahsoka, you can talk to me about anything. Whatever it is you’re struggling with, I’m here to help you.”

She nodded, looked down at the table for a moment, and then back up at him, and then just to the left, not meeting his gaze. “I always thought I was a girl,” she said slowly, “But I’m not sure now. But I’m not sure I’m a boy either. I, I don’t know what I am.”

Obi-Wan gave her hand an encouraging squeeze. “There are many different gender identities. Perhaps yours does not fit within the binary of male and female.”

She looked up quickly. “Wait, there are more options?”

Obi-Wan hummed. “Indeed. Quite a few, actually. In some societies other gender identities are just as common as male and female, and in others they do not use the terms male and female at all. It just happens that we live in an area that is steeped in a binary.”

Ahsoka felt like a whole new world had been opened to her. “What are the other options?”

“Well, there is the general term ‘nonbinary’ for one,” he said, taking back his hand so he could stroke his beard, “which simply means that you identify outside of the binary of male and female. Some people are content to use that term to describe their gender, and many use they/them pronouns. Other folks prefer more specific terms.”

They spent a solid hour discussing different gender identities. Obi-Wan would define different terms for her, and she would tuck that information away to compare to her own feelings. Obi-Wan explained what pronouns were too, and she realized that that was what she had wanted to ask Blaire but didn’t know how. Now she knew that she could ask someone their pronouns, and that she could tell people hers, just like exchanging names. 

Ahsoka walked away from that conversation with her head spinning with new words. She didn’t know which one matched her yet, but she was glad to at least have a starting point. Obi-Wan told her to feel free to call him if she wanted to discuss it more, and to let him know if she wanted to use different pronouns. 

Over the course of the next couple of months she spent a lot of time searching her feelings and mulling over terms. She went back and forth between labels more times than she could count. She struggled with doubt and uncertainty. But eventually she came to a tentative decision that she wanted to identify as nonbinary. She liked the term ‘genderfluid’ too, but for now ‘nonbinary’ was a good step. 

Next there was the issue of pronouns. 

Ahsoka stood in front of the mirror and tested them out. 

“I am Ahsoka. My pronouns are she/her/hers. This is my friend Ahsoka, she is a Jedi. Her favorite fruit is Muja.

“I am Ahsoka. My pronouns are he/him/his. This is my friend Ahsoka, he is a Jedi. His favorite fruit is Muja.

“I am Ahsoka. My pronouns are they/them/theirs. This is my friend Ahsoka, they are a Jedi. Their favorite fruit is Muja.”

Ahsoka did that a few times, with different phrases, and found that the way the pronouns felt was slightly different depending on the day. Some days “she” felt right, some days “he” felt right. But in general, “they” felt ok no matter how Ahsoka was feeling. “They” was a safe pronoun.

And now there was the trouble of telling people about it. 

Obi-Wan would have been the best person to tell, but he wasn’t on the ship, and Ahsoka wanted to tell people in-person. There was Anakin, but Ahsoka wasn’t ready for him to know. 

Rex. 

Rex had been the one to be the first to encourage Ahsoka to explore self-expression and to ignore gender stereotypes. Rex deserved to be the first to know.

“Hey Rex?”

“Commander,” he offered a polite salute, “what can I do for you?”

“Can I talk to you for a minute? In private?”

“Of course.” 

Ahsoka found an empty briefing room and gestured for Rex to step inside. He stood at parade rest, expression curious. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Well,” Ahsoka paused for a moment to gather some courage before hesitantly continuing, “I think I’d like to go by they/them pronouns.”

Rex gave a sharp nod. “Sure thing, Commander.” 

Ahsoka was surprised by the lack of reaction. They weren’t sure what they were expecting, maybe some questions, but Rex just seemed to roll with it like changing one’s pronouns was the most normal thing in the world. Maybe it was. Ahsoka released a breath they hadn’t realized they were holding, and offered a small smile. “Thank you, Rex.”

“Of course. Shall I inform the men, or would you like to do so? Or would you like this to stay between us?”

The teen considered this. Were they ready for all of the men to know? “Do you think they’ll be ok with it?”

“I believe so. There’s no gendered pronoun in  _ Mando’a _ to begin with, so the concept isn’t strange. In fact, basic feels odd at times.” 

He chuckled a little at that, and Ahsoka felt themself relax a little more. “Well, alright then. I don’t want it to be a big deal though. Can we just… I don’t know, can you just correct people when they’re talking about me?”

“Sure thing.”

“And can you wait until after tonight? I haven’t told Anakin yet. I don’t want him to find out second-hand. And I want to tell Master Obi-Wan in person, so don’t tell the 212th. Or anyone else, for that matter.” They were starting to realize just how many people would need to know, if they were really sure about this. Master Plo, the Council, Barriss, everyone. 

It was rather intimidating. 

And Ahsoka realized they didn’t quite like the idea of everyone finding out through the grapevine, or finding out through Rex’s correction. 

“Actually, I changed my mind. I want to tell the boys myself. Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I’ll keep my lips sealed until you give me the ok to use your new pronouns in front of others. If you want to make an announcement, come by the barracks after late meal. Most of the boys should be there.”

Ahsoka nodded. “That’s a good idea. Thanks Rex, you’re the best.”

“Just doing my duty, S-” he paused. “Should I stop calling you ‘sir’?” 

That was actually something Ahsoka hadn’t considered. “I mean, you used it before, when I went by she/her. It’s more of a title than anything. I think I’m fine with it.”

“Well, you let me know if you change your mind, and we’ll find something else.” 

Rex smiled, and Ahsoka smiled back. 

The teen left that conversation buzzing with slightly nervous, but also slightly excited, energy. Rex knew. The men would know after tonight. This was a huge step, and it was exhilarating and nerve-wracking all at once. Just telling one person was like a release of pent up nerves, but it brought new nerves with it. Like, what if they decided that they wanted to go back to she/her? Then they’d have to do this all over again. 

But they’d been thinking about this for a while, and they were pretty sure they wanted to go by they. 

Now to tell Anakin. 

Rex’s positive reaction gave them courage, and while they had originally planned to tell Anakin later in the evening, they decided to just get it over with now. They found him in his quarters, tinkering with his mechanical hand. 

“Hey Snips,” he greeted when he felt their presence at the door. 

“Hey Master,” they returned the greeting, “I have something I need to tell you.”

“Sure, what is it?” He was still poking at the mechanical hand.

They frowned. Normally, they wouldn’t mind Anakin’s distraction, but what they wanted to say felt like a big deal, even if they didn’t want a big deal made of it, and they wanted to be sure Anakin was really listening. “Actually, maybe I should come back later.”

Either the words or the swirling uncertainty in their Force-signature must have caught his attention, because he paused to look up at them. “Is something wrong?” 

“Well, not wrong, just,” Ahsoka twisted their hands behind their back nervously. “Well, I wanted to tell you that I’d like to go by they/them pronouns now.”

He blinked. “Oh. Ok, sure.”

Ahsoka could sense his curiosity through the training bond. Tentatively, they poked at the bond, and Anakin lowered some of his shields so they could scan his feelings. There was no judgment there, none at all, just acceptance and curiosity and a few questions. 

They sighed, letting a small smile creep onto their face. Anakin was ok with this. 

“I um, I think I identify as nonbinary now,” they elaborated, “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, for a while, and that seems to fit me best.”

Anakin smiled. “That’s great, Snips. I’m glad you’re finding yourself.”

That washed away the last of their fears, and a real smile lit up their face. “That went much better than I expected.”

The older Jedi laughed. “Snips, I’m the last person who would judge. I can’t say I know how you feel, but you aren’t the first person I’ve met who identifies as nonbinary.”

Ahsoka tucked away that bit of information to possibly inquire about later. “Oh. That’s cool.”

He hummed, and Ahsoka asked about what he was doing with his arm, and they continued a conversation just like any other. 

Two for two had accepted them so far, and Ahsoka felt bolstered by that as they made their way to the barracks later that night. The door was open and the men were scattered about, some sitting on bunks and others leaning against the posts, having conversations and playing card games. Ahsoka spotted Rex and caught his eye, and he offered an encouraging smile and flashed a thumbs up. 

Ahsoka smiled back, then clapped their hands twice to get everyone’s attention. The chattering died down and the troopers turned curious eyes to them. A few straightened up, but Ahsoka waved that away. 

“At ease. I just have an announcement I’d like to make.”

They waited. Ahsoka took a breath. “I’d like to announce that I am going by they/them pronouns now. I have decided that I identify as nonbinary, which means I don’t feel as though my gender fits within the binary of male and female. ‘Sir’ is still fine, since that’s used for everyone in the GAR regardless of gender. Also, I’d like this to stay within the 501st, because I want to tell my friends myself.”

A chorus of “sure thing, Commander” and “sir yes sir” and “will do” greeted the announcement, and Ahsoka beamed. 

It would be another week before the 501st met up with the 212th again. During that time Ahsoka marveled at hearing ‘they’ when folks referred to them instead of ‘she.’ It took some getting used to, but it sent a little shiver of happiness down their spine whenever they heard the new pronouns. 

When the two battalions did meet up again, the first thing Ahsoka did was hunt down Obi-Wan. They found him in the mess hall with tea, and when he saw them he waved and beckoned them to join him. Unlike last time there were 212th troopers scattered throughout the mess. It was actually quite busy, but Ahsoka found they didn’t mind. Everyone would know soon enough, and once Obi-Wan knew, Ahsoka was planning on giving Rex and the 501st boys the ok to subtly correct the pronouns the 212th used. They didn’t feel the need to make an announcement to the 212th the way they had for their own troopers. 

“How’s my favorite grandpadawan?” Obi-Wan asked as Ahsoka slid into the booth. 

“Great,” they said. 

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“I made a decision, about the gender thing,” Ahsoka said, and Obi-Wan quirked an eyebrow. 

“Oh yes? And what have you decided?”

“That I’m nonbinary,” Ahsoka stated proudly, “And that my pronouns are they/them/theirs.”

Obi-Wan gave them a bright smile. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”

“Thanks! I told the boys about a week ago, and everyone seems really cool about it. And if anyone wasn’t cool about it, I think Rex would demote them to scrubbing latrines for the rest of the war.”

Obi-Wan laughed at that. “I have no doubt that he would. I’m glad everything is going so well. Do you feel happier?”

“I do. I feel more like, well, me. It’s not that I mind other pronouns, honestly I think I’d be ok with anything, but they/them just feels a little more right, y’know?”

Obi-Wan hummed. “I’m glad.”

“How did you know so much about gender things?” Ahsoka asked curiously. “I’d never heard of any of what you told me before we had that conversation. It doesn’t seem like something people talk much about.”

Obi-Wan smirked around the rim of his mug as he took a sip of his tea. “Well, I’ve always been quite curious about different cultures for one. From the time I was a padawan I would read about different planets and peoples. And secondly, I had a bit of an identity crisis of my own sometime during my late teen years and early twenties. I did a lot of research on sexual and romantic orientations, as well as on gender identities.”

Ahsoka’s brow markings lifted in surprise. “Wait, do you not identify as male then?”

“No, I do. Or at least, close enough that I don’t feel the need to use a different term. But that is one of the things I put quite a bit of thought into.”

“Oh. That’s neat.”

“Mm. And after all of that, Quinlan calls me the ‘gay encyclopedia.’ The jokes on him though, because I quite enjoy being the person others send their Padawans to when they’re trying to figure out their identities. I like being able to help.”

Ahsoka smiled. It was easy to picture Obi-Wan as a gentle, supportive figure helping confused Padawans find their way. “Well, you’re good at it. You helped me, after all.”

“I’m happy to help. You can always come to me if there are other things you’d like to discuss.”

“Thank you, Master. I probably will.”

The two finished their tea and went their separate ways. By the end of the day it seemed like the 212th had caught onto the new pronouns, and while a couple stopped them to ask if ‘sir’ was ok, other than that life just continued as if nothing had changed. They saw Plo Koon a month later, and he was just as accepting as everyone else had been so far. Ahsoka asked him to let his fellow council members know on their behalf, and Plo was happy to do so. Another month or so, and it was like Ahsoka had always gone by they/them. Occasionally, back at the temple or out on mission, someone would make a mistake, but Ahsoka gently corrected them and moved on. 

The only person that didn’t seem ok with Ahsoka’s identity (at least, the only person that Ahsoka cared about, there were certainly random people throughout the galaxy but those were of little importance) was Barriss. That rejection stung, a lot. Obi-Wan had comforted them, and the 501st was deeply offended on Ahsoka’s behalf. And Ahsoka realized how lucky they were to have so many people that loved and accepted them and were ready to fight people who didn’t.

With Obi-Wan’s support, Ahsoka pushed for the Temple to teach younglings about pronouns. Even if the Jedi were raised in a very gender-neutral way, and even if most of the younglings would use the pronouns of their assigned genders, Ahsoka thought it was important for them to learn how to give and ask for pronouns. Plo supported it too, and eventually they all convinced the Council that it was a good idea. 

The day that Ahsoka walked into the creche and had a little Rodian come over and introduce himself with his pronouns, they almost cried. 

“You know, I’m really proud of you,” Anakin said one evening, “You found yourself, and you opened the door for others to me more themselves too.”

Ahsoka beamed. “Thank you, Master. That means a lot.”

“Anytime, kiddo.”


End file.
